THE OLD:
I broke up with my boyfriend. I got tired of all the nagging and the self-pity effect he has been doing. Besides, I know I have been unfaithful in some point, so I broke up with him to conceal my own wrongdoings. I do not want him to know what I did, and my decision --- I think --- is the best thing I can do now. I do not regret what I did. I feel better now after some tears have been shed.
THE NEW:
Or did I break up with BF because I am expecting too much from Sonny?
Last night, I found myself unable to lull into deep slumber. My heart was beating so fast I felt uneasy. The culprit is the fact that I have been thinking of Sonny for a week now. IN between the kisses and the hugs, I realized that I longed for him...that I am really falling for him, and I am quite unsure if he likes me too. He has been sending me mixed signals that drive me crazy. But last night, I thought I should stop dreaming of us being together. I thought of ten reasons which he might be thinking to stop himself from falling from me, and eventually stop me from all my hallucinations:
1. I am not beautiful.
2. I do not have a Barbie-like physique.
3. I have an awful past, and its effects I bet he cannot bear.
4. I do not have an ordinary family.
5. I have a nasty character.
6. I am not that intelligent.
7. He is pursuing a career that if ever we became lovers, the gossip mongers would surely feast on the issue. It might ruin his career.
8. We live far from each other.
9. He is just too scared to commit. He had his own issues before and thus he barricaded himself with insecurities and fears.
10. I am just his plaything...an object of lewd desire. :'(
I hate that I love him soooo.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Confession No. 5: The Itch
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned, again."
I failed controlling myself.
I let him kiss me more than twice. He complimented my lips being as sweet as cherries.
I let him embrace me, as I embrace him back.
I let him touch my behind...beneath my plaid boyfriend short-sleeved polo...my inner thigh.
I took pleasure of everything he has done.
Yet when I asked him why is he doing such things, he said he does not know...all he knows is that he finds bliss doing it with me. I boldly told him that I think I am just his toy, but he strongly condemned me. I made a prediction that when we separate ways he will surely forget me, but he said no. Looking straight to his eyes, I said that he is one lucky guy for I cannot say "no" to his demands.
"You puzzle me. If you think you are confused, well, I feel twice as you feel", I said.
He gave me a smirk.
I faked a "kilig" over some other guy I talked to over the phone, let him see me blush. When I peeked in his cubicle to see his reaction, I see him wearing a frown and eyes of anger. "Sorry," I jokingly said. "Kiss mo ko!" his lips read.
I intentionally let the people around me hear that I wanted to leave from office for a week, I heard him say "Huwag, mamimiss kita."
Everything feels so right, yet so wrong.
I failed controlling myself.
I let him kiss me more than twice. He complimented my lips being as sweet as cherries.
I let him embrace me, as I embrace him back.
I let him touch my behind...beneath my plaid boyfriend short-sleeved polo...my inner thigh.
I took pleasure of everything he has done.
Yet when I asked him why is he doing such things, he said he does not know...all he knows is that he finds bliss doing it with me. I boldly told him that I think I am just his toy, but he strongly condemned me. I made a prediction that when we separate ways he will surely forget me, but he said no. Looking straight to his eyes, I said that he is one lucky guy for I cannot say "no" to his demands.
"You puzzle me. If you think you are confused, well, I feel twice as you feel", I said.
He gave me a smirk.
I faked a "kilig" over some other guy I talked to over the phone, let him see me blush. When I peeked in his cubicle to see his reaction, I see him wearing a frown and eyes of anger. "Sorry," I jokingly said. "Kiss mo ko!" his lips read.
I intentionally let the people around me hear that I wanted to leave from office for a week, I heard him say "Huwag, mamimiss kita."
Everything feels so right, yet so wrong.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Confession No. 4: Withdrawal
Yesterday, BF and I bade each other a temporary goodbye, as we are going to venture into a long distance relationship...we would not be physically with each other for he would be working in another place and would be staying there.
Kissing and embracing each other, I then realized who I really wanted to be with, and it was with BF. The feeling I am feeling with Sonny is something I can live without. But without BF, it feels like I am naked. Sonny is nothing more than temptation. Lust. What I have for BF is love, stonger than any emotion I hold for any one else.
Further, I was shaken when my friend tagged me this link: http://www.wmn.ph/article/768/flirting-when-youre-taken-is-it-okay
Sonny will be here at the office tomorrow. I shall correct my moves (I hope).
Kissing and embracing each other, I then realized who I really wanted to be with, and it was with BF. The feeling I am feeling with Sonny is something I can live without. But without BF, it feels like I am naked. Sonny is nothing more than temptation. Lust. What I have for BF is love, stonger than any emotion I hold for any one else.
Further, I was shaken when my friend tagged me this link: http://www.wmn.ph/article/768/flirting-when-youre-taken-is-it-okay
Sonny will be here at the office tomorrow. I shall correct my moves (I hope).
Friday, January 15, 2010
Confessions No. 4: Almost Ruined It
I felt I was on cloud nine, until this very moment I share to you my glee.
As usual, the day started with me arguing with Sonny and condemning the "panunukso sa amin" of my office mates, of I denying their so-so "accusations" of us being sweethearts. Of course, Sonny and I weren't sweethearts. We just kiss...and hug...and stare at each other...but there was no strings attached (but I was hoping there'll be. I guess I am falling already. Damn...I was just playing around, but his special attention towards me caught me).
After lunch, Sonny and I were working on a paper. I was on my serious tone, "if you want this image to seem like real when you e-mail it, I can do that for you."
"The turn out will surely be as beautiful as its creator." said he with that look that flirty look (which when he always do, it creates goosebumps on my nape).
"Babanat ka na naman, baka banatan na kita jan," I quoted. He laughed and had his hand quickly drive through my inner thigh, then he stood and moved to his cubicle. I didn't know if I would be mad or what. All I did was to pop my eyes off its sockets.
Afterwards and about few ticks of the clock later, my officemate took over my computer just to play games. I was left with no choice but to stay in Sonny's cubicle. Besides, I wanted to have some sleep since I barely had sleep for the past two days.
Slumber almost took over my entity when I felt someone was pushing something on my face. When I opened my eyes, I saw Sonny was about to kiss me, which I let him did. Few smacks and he went back to his table and let me lounge on the sofa in front of his table.
As expected, I can't catch a sleep again.I was thinking of Sonny. I was thinking that I already feel something for him, but I shouldn't since I am in a relationship and I know that people with the same status and profile like Sonny only sees me as their plaything, that if I fall, he will leave me behind in tears, that it is impossible for him to fall on his plaything, as I am a weak, dirty mouthed "kontra bida" of everyone's lives.
Minutes later:
Sonny: Cath, bakit malabo yug ginawa natin?
Cath: Ha? Tingin? (I went beside him and looked at the computer monitor)
Sonny: Look, the seal is gone.
Cath: It's there. I guess the contrast setting of your monitor is the problem.
I lunged to his monitor. I was in his front. And while looking for the buttons, he, to my surprise, fondled my right breast. All I said in my surprise was a sweet "gago". Then he stopped.
But I can't help myself. I frequented his table to give him a back rub, to hug him, or let him hug me. There were few times that we talk about sensible things but oftentimes he hears me badmouth my colleagues because they, clueless of the scandals inside Sonny's cubicle, were making "tukso" of me and Sonny, and I don't want Sonny or my colleagues have a hint of what I really feel.
"Oi, tama na...baka umiyak si Cath ha," Sonny said with a grin.
"uuuuuuuuuyyyyy!" my colleagues with kilig exclaimed in chorus.
"At bakit? Ano naman sa iyo kung umiyak ako?" I replied.
"halaaaaaaa!" the chorus said.
I didn't see what he did, but one of my colleagues said Sonny was making a "kilig" face then he laughed and quoted "parang naaasiman lang".
5:00 p.m.
He was about to go. "Uuwi na ako Catherine."
"Ok," I said.
He whispered, "pengeng isa..." and then he smooched my lips. I was watching him do it, and saw he was into it as he just did it with his eyes closed. But too bad, while kissing, it felt like a scouring pad was scrubbing my tender lips. After the kiss I giggled and whispered, "sakit ha."
"Alis na ako," he said. I took his hand and we kissed again. This time, I closed my eyes. After the smooch, I embraced him and was about to say "I love you", but I got back to my feet and hastily stopped myself from uttering those words.
Then he left. He bid my officemates goodbye, except for me.
"Gagong yun, hindi nagpaalam sa akin ng malakas. Dati naman ginagawa niya yun, " I thought.
Geez. I almost told Sonny that I love him. The truth is I do not really know if I love him or not. I want him to be always within my sight, but I cannot glare straight at him.I love making a fight with him, I love it when he kisses me, but I hate it when he looks at me. I know it is love I feel for my boyfriend since I am willing to sacrifice and do everything to please him, but Sonny is a different story. It feels like I just want him, but there are "BUT's".
Besides, I strongly believe this thing between us is only a game to him, as he was not saying anything to erase this idea in my head.
As usual, the day started with me arguing with Sonny and condemning the "panunukso sa amin" of my office mates, of I denying their so-so "accusations" of us being sweethearts. Of course, Sonny and I weren't sweethearts. We just kiss...and hug...and stare at each other...but there was no strings attached (but I was hoping there'll be. I guess I am falling already. Damn...I was just playing around, but his special attention towards me caught me).
After lunch, Sonny and I were working on a paper. I was on my serious tone, "if you want this image to seem like real when you e-mail it, I can do that for you."
"The turn out will surely be as beautiful as its creator." said he with that look that flirty look (which when he always do, it creates goosebumps on my nape).
"Babanat ka na naman, baka banatan na kita jan," I quoted. He laughed and had his hand quickly drive through my inner thigh, then he stood and moved to his cubicle. I didn't know if I would be mad or what. All I did was to pop my eyes off its sockets.
Afterwards and about few ticks of the clock later, my officemate took over my computer just to play games. I was left with no choice but to stay in Sonny's cubicle. Besides, I wanted to have some sleep since I barely had sleep for the past two days.
Slumber almost took over my entity when I felt someone was pushing something on my face. When I opened my eyes, I saw Sonny was about to kiss me, which I let him did. Few smacks and he went back to his table and let me lounge on the sofa in front of his table.
As expected, I can't catch a sleep again.I was thinking of Sonny. I was thinking that I already feel something for him, but I shouldn't since I am in a relationship and I know that people with the same status and profile like Sonny only sees me as their plaything, that if I fall, he will leave me behind in tears, that it is impossible for him to fall on his plaything, as I am a weak, dirty mouthed "kontra bida" of everyone's lives.
Minutes later:
Sonny: Cath, bakit malabo yug ginawa natin?
Cath: Ha? Tingin? (I went beside him and looked at the computer monitor)
Sonny: Look, the seal is gone.
Cath: It's there. I guess the contrast setting of your monitor is the problem.
I lunged to his monitor. I was in his front. And while looking for the buttons, he, to my surprise, fondled my right breast. All I said in my surprise was a sweet "gago". Then he stopped.
But I can't help myself. I frequented his table to give him a back rub, to hug him, or let him hug me. There were few times that we talk about sensible things but oftentimes he hears me badmouth my colleagues because they, clueless of the scandals inside Sonny's cubicle, were making "tukso" of me and Sonny, and I don't want Sonny or my colleagues have a hint of what I really feel.
"Oi, tama na...baka umiyak si Cath ha," Sonny said with a grin.
"uuuuuuuuuyyyyy!" my colleagues with kilig exclaimed in chorus.
"At bakit? Ano naman sa iyo kung umiyak ako?" I replied.
"halaaaaaaa!" the chorus said.
I didn't see what he did, but one of my colleagues said Sonny was making a "kilig" face then he laughed and quoted "parang naaasiman lang".
5:00 p.m.
He was about to go. "Uuwi na ako Catherine."
"Ok," I said.
He whispered, "pengeng isa..." and then he smooched my lips. I was watching him do it, and saw he was into it as he just did it with his eyes closed. But too bad, while kissing, it felt like a scouring pad was scrubbing my tender lips. After the kiss I giggled and whispered, "sakit ha."
"Alis na ako," he said. I took his hand and we kissed again. This time, I closed my eyes. After the smooch, I embraced him and was about to say "I love you", but I got back to my feet and hastily stopped myself from uttering those words.
Then he left. He bid my officemates goodbye, except for me.
"Gagong yun, hindi nagpaalam sa akin ng malakas. Dati naman ginagawa niya yun, " I thought.
Geez. I almost told Sonny that I love him. The truth is I do not really know if I love him or not. I want him to be always within my sight, but I cannot glare straight at him.I love making a fight with him, I love it when he kisses me, but I hate it when he looks at me. I know it is love I feel for my boyfriend since I am willing to sacrifice and do everything to please him, but Sonny is a different story. It feels like I just want him, but there are "BUT's".
Besides, I strongly believe this thing between us is only a game to him, as he was not saying anything to erase this idea in my head.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
And We Talked.
Finally, the regular season is here again.
I was back in the office, and so does Sonny. My co-workers were teasing us all throughout the day. I was mocking a fury, and he was merely smiling and laughing.
Lunch break came and all of us were watching on the TV in Sonny's "cubicle", when he blurted out something that puzzled me.
"Cath, hindi ba ang I love you sa tagalaog Mahal Kita?" Sonny said.
"Errr....yes." I retorted. "So?"
"Wala". He replied.
5:00 p.m.
He was about to go home. He was waiting for a bus ride when he saw me near the convenience store. "Cath, where are you going?"
"Store."
"What'll you do?" he asked.
"I'll buy some drinks. Wanna join?"
"Ok. Sure."
The two of us went to the store. I gave him some drinks. Then we had some chat, but we never talked about the last time we kissed or anything about us.
"Musta na kayo ng boyfriend mo?" Sonny asked.
"Ok lang."
"Magpapakasal na ba kayo?"
"Tsk. Etchos ko lang yun.Katulad ngayon, magtatrabaho siya sa Pampanga, LDR kami, so hindi ko alam kung ano mangyayari."
"Mahal na mahal ka niya siguro ano? Hindi ka naman niya siguro lolokohin."
"Tsk. Alam mo ba na 3 beses na niya akong niloko?"
"Hindi nga?!" he blurted out, "kapal naman ng mukha nun."
"Oo nga Sonny. Matigas lang talaga ang bungo ko.Masakit yung ikalawang beses. Dun ako natuto. Pero kung uulitin niya ulit, talagang hindi na ako babalik sa kanya. Ayoko na. Kaya ko na siyang iwanan." I just can't tell him that I am still in pain even if 2 years already passed since that event, that I still suffer every night of a little fury and a little pain.
"May nangyari na ba sa inyo?"
"Wala. May usapan kami," I lied. Why should I tell the truth?
Then we talked more.
I was about to tell him that during the Christmas vacation, I missed him for no reason, when he bid goodbye kasi iiwanan na siya ng bus.
I wonder why I feel this way. I feel shivers everytime I acknowledge his presence.
Totoo bang it started with a kiss?
I was back in the office, and so does Sonny. My co-workers were teasing us all throughout the day. I was mocking a fury, and he was merely smiling and laughing.
Lunch break came and all of us were watching on the TV in Sonny's "cubicle", when he blurted out something that puzzled me.
"Cath, hindi ba ang I love you sa tagalaog Mahal Kita?" Sonny said.
"Errr....yes." I retorted. "So?"
"Wala". He replied.
5:00 p.m.
He was about to go home. He was waiting for a bus ride when he saw me near the convenience store. "Cath, where are you going?"
"Store."
"What'll you do?" he asked.
"I'll buy some drinks. Wanna join?"
"Ok. Sure."
The two of us went to the store. I gave him some drinks. Then we had some chat, but we never talked about the last time we kissed or anything about us.
"Musta na kayo ng boyfriend mo?" Sonny asked.
"Ok lang."
"Magpapakasal na ba kayo?"
"Tsk. Etchos ko lang yun.Katulad ngayon, magtatrabaho siya sa Pampanga, LDR kami, so hindi ko alam kung ano mangyayari."
"Mahal na mahal ka niya siguro ano? Hindi ka naman niya siguro lolokohin."
"Tsk. Alam mo ba na 3 beses na niya akong niloko?"
"Hindi nga?!" he blurted out, "kapal naman ng mukha nun."
"Oo nga Sonny. Matigas lang talaga ang bungo ko.Masakit yung ikalawang beses. Dun ako natuto. Pero kung uulitin niya ulit, talagang hindi na ako babalik sa kanya. Ayoko na. Kaya ko na siyang iwanan." I just can't tell him that I am still in pain even if 2 years already passed since that event, that I still suffer every night of a little fury and a little pain.
"May nangyari na ba sa inyo?"
"Wala. May usapan kami," I lied. Why should I tell the truth?
Then we talked more.
I was about to tell him that during the Christmas vacation, I missed him for no reason, when he bid goodbye kasi iiwanan na siya ng bus.
I wonder why I feel this way. I feel shivers everytime I acknowledge his presence.
Totoo bang it started with a kiss?
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Confession No. 3: Bang Bang Boom
Last night I had a great night.
I was really feeling hot, maybe bacause it's December and the nights are conducive for making love.
Too bad for me, I was in my apartment with my cousin, Marielle, and he was in his house (few blocks away from my apartment). I tried todistract myself by playing with my PSP, but the thoughts of having a very lovely f* before calling it a night couldn't get out of my head.
So I texted him:
Acacia: Hey, wat r u up 2 aftr eating dinr?
BF: Nothing. Y?
Acacia: I feel horny.
BF: Hahaha. Me too. Want me 2 drop by der?
Acacia: Marielle's hir. Can't do it hir.
I was waiting for his reply when I was surprised he was already at my apartment's door. I let him in.
We were in the sofa with the throw pillows on our laps as we watched TV with Marielle. Thank goodness Marielle was busy texting. She was oblivious that BF was giving me a finger f* beneath the throw pillows.
Minutes later, Marielle ran to the bathroom, "Gonna poo for a sec!"
I looked at BF. He gave me a smile. Good thing I was wearing a denim skirt. I immediately pulled my skirt up, my undies down, and he unleashed his rock solid pet through his pant's zipper. I sat on top (and facing him) and gave it a good upward-downward thrust. He slid his hands through my shirt and fondled with my nipples.
"We'll take long if we continue with this," I said. "Give me a doggy hon."
On all fours I went and he banged me from the behind. Ohhh la la. I was suppressing my moans. He went faster and faster, and I felt my cat's getting tighter and tighter.
"Oh my, I'm dripping," I whispered.
"After you, hon!" he exclaimed.
Seconds later, he let his love juice oozed.
Swiftly he tucked in his "guy" and I had myself fixed.
A minute or so, we heard a flush from the comfort room and Marielle was back.
Geez
I was really feeling hot, maybe bacause it's December and the nights are conducive for making love.
Too bad for me, I was in my apartment with my cousin, Marielle, and he was in his house (few blocks away from my apartment). I tried todistract myself by playing with my PSP, but the thoughts of having a very lovely f* before calling it a night couldn't get out of my head.
So I texted him:
Acacia: Hey, wat r u up 2 aftr eating dinr?
BF: Nothing. Y?
Acacia: I feel horny.
BF: Hahaha. Me too. Want me 2 drop by der?
Acacia: Marielle's hir. Can't do it hir.
I was waiting for his reply when I was surprised he was already at my apartment's door. I let him in.
We were in the sofa with the throw pillows on our laps as we watched TV with Marielle. Thank goodness Marielle was busy texting. She was oblivious that BF was giving me a finger f* beneath the throw pillows.
Minutes later, Marielle ran to the bathroom, "Gonna poo for a sec!"
I looked at BF. He gave me a smile. Good thing I was wearing a denim skirt. I immediately pulled my skirt up, my undies down, and he unleashed his rock solid pet through his pant's zipper. I sat on top (and facing him) and gave it a good upward-downward thrust. He slid his hands through my shirt and fondled with my nipples.
"We'll take long if we continue with this," I said. "Give me a doggy hon."
On all fours I went and he banged me from the behind. Ohhh la la. I was suppressing my moans. He went faster and faster, and I felt my cat's getting tighter and tighter.
"Oh my, I'm dripping," I whispered.
"After you, hon!" he exclaimed.
Seconds later, he let his love juice oozed.
Swiftly he tucked in his "guy" and I had myself fixed.
A minute or so, we heard a flush from the comfort room and Marielle was back.
Geez
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Confession No. 2: Deep Thoughts at the Christmas Party
1:00 p.m., December 12. I was at our office's Christmas Party. "Sonny", the guy in Confession No. 1, was there too. I was wearing this black and white little dress. As I walked through the hall, I notice him staring at me. With a smile, he greeted that I looked good in the dress.Without a word, I smiled.
During the party I walked in and out of the hall, to and fro the empty room beside the hall, subconsciously hoping that he would follow me. Thoughts were running on my head. I didn't know what to do if he nabbed me from behind and kissed me again --- shall I slap him or kiss him back, if he would caress my skin and hold me in the parts I never thought he would touch --- shall I scream or give in, if I would once more hear his breath and heartbeat --- shall I fall to this prey or not, or are we going to do bang each other --- the first time I'll do it with another man other than my boyfriend.
"But why am I thinking of these things? I already have a boyfriend, and it is his birthday today?!" I told myself.
3:00 p.m., the party got a visitor. Marie, the former secretary of the office where I am working now, gave a visit. My colleagues introduced her to Sonny. Geez, I felt I am turning red with jealousy as the two talked and laughed.
"Jealous? Why should I? I got a boy with me. I am happy with him, and I have nothing to do with Sonny, anyway. Besides, I am just flirting with Sonny. He only plays a game with me. He's a lawyer. That's what every unattached lawyers do"
After an hour, Marie left. I felt relief. Again, Sonny's eyes seemed to be fixated to me. Yeah baby, look at me, only at me!
Hours passed. Nothing happened. My trips to the empty room were useless. He wasn't following me.
Three hours to go before the party ends. I took my drinks to the empty room and drank them all there. Alas, Sonny entered the room. As he saw me drinking, he locked the door. I felt my heart beat like a raging drum. I stood and walked through the dark cubicle within the empty room.
"What are you doing?" He asked, walking towards me.
"Drinking and texting," I replied.
He gently held my arms towards him, "Can I have another kiss?"
I was speechless. I don't know what to do. I covered my face, he kissed my neck and had his left hand fondle my breasts.
"I don't want to kiss you," with trembling voice I protested. I was surprised why I said that. He glared at me upon hearing my words. "I don't want to hold a grudge on you one day."
"Well then," he said, "just give me a hug."
He wrapped me in his arms. I felt warmth, but I didn't embrace him back. Only then I felt scared. He one more kissed my neck, and tried to have his lips land on mine. I refused.
I faked a cry, "you are just playing games on me, Sonny. You are playing with me". He stopped and let me go. "Why did you say that? I am not playing with you," he said.
There was silence.
"Cath, how would you tell that I am only flirting with you?"
"I just know..."
"You are scared," he smirked.
"I ain't scared!" I retorted.
"Oh really? Let's try..." he attempted to kiss me again, but I covered my face. I was blushing. "Aha! You're scared!"
"I am not! I just don't know what to do!"
"I thought you are one tough chick. Fight me then..."
"Try me."
He held my shoulders and was about to gave me a smooch, but I raised my hand and gave him a slight slap.
Sonny released me and then he smiled. "You are still scared."
"You can't blame me."
"How long are you with you boyfriend now?" he asked.
And why the hell did he ask?
"5 years, Sonny."
"Quite long. How old are you?"
"22."
"Better keep the guy, I guess. The two of you have been together for a long time. Sayang naman kasi. As for me, I am scared of commitments. It isn't that I don't want to have someone with my life, but I am just scared of commitments." He sighed. "Are the two of you getting married soon, Cath?"
I laughed, "No. Sinabi ko lang noon na engaged kami, pero joke lang yun. Nagyayabang lang ako. I don't know if I will marry him."
He laughed really hard. I stared at him.
"Ok, maybe I should go back to the party. They might be looking for us."
He went out of the room.
Then it dawned to me. Why didn't I let him kiss me? I was thirsty for his lips, but I let it go away?
I went back to the party faking a smile. I faked a laugh. I faked everything. But one thing was sincere, I approached him when he was alone and said "Sorry about what I did."
"It's ok. Just kiss me again."
"Tsk!" and I left him in one corner of the hall.
During the party I walked in and out of the hall, to and fro the empty room beside the hall, subconsciously hoping that he would follow me. Thoughts were running on my head. I didn't know what to do if he nabbed me from behind and kissed me again --- shall I slap him or kiss him back, if he would caress my skin and hold me in the parts I never thought he would touch --- shall I scream or give in, if I would once more hear his breath and heartbeat --- shall I fall to this prey or not, or are we going to do bang each other --- the first time I'll do it with another man other than my boyfriend.
"But why am I thinking of these things? I already have a boyfriend, and it is his birthday today?!" I told myself.
3:00 p.m., the party got a visitor. Marie, the former secretary of the office where I am working now, gave a visit. My colleagues introduced her to Sonny. Geez, I felt I am turning red with jealousy as the two talked and laughed.
"Jealous? Why should I? I got a boy with me. I am happy with him, and I have nothing to do with Sonny, anyway. Besides, I am just flirting with Sonny. He only plays a game with me. He's a lawyer. That's what every unattached lawyers do"
After an hour, Marie left. I felt relief. Again, Sonny's eyes seemed to be fixated to me. Yeah baby, look at me, only at me!
Hours passed. Nothing happened. My trips to the empty room were useless. He wasn't following me.
Three hours to go before the party ends. I took my drinks to the empty room and drank them all there. Alas, Sonny entered the room. As he saw me drinking, he locked the door. I felt my heart beat like a raging drum. I stood and walked through the dark cubicle within the empty room.
"What are you doing?" He asked, walking towards me.
"Drinking and texting," I replied.
He gently held my arms towards him, "Can I have another kiss?"
I was speechless. I don't know what to do. I covered my face, he kissed my neck and had his left hand fondle my breasts.
"I don't want to kiss you," with trembling voice I protested. I was surprised why I said that. He glared at me upon hearing my words. "I don't want to hold a grudge on you one day."
"Well then," he said, "just give me a hug."
He wrapped me in his arms. I felt warmth, but I didn't embrace him back. Only then I felt scared. He one more kissed my neck, and tried to have his lips land on mine. I refused.
I faked a cry, "you are just playing games on me, Sonny. You are playing with me". He stopped and let me go. "Why did you say that? I am not playing with you," he said.
There was silence.
"Cath, how would you tell that I am only flirting with you?"
"I just know..."
"You are scared," he smirked.
"I ain't scared!" I retorted.
"Oh really? Let's try..." he attempted to kiss me again, but I covered my face. I was blushing. "Aha! You're scared!"
"I am not! I just don't know what to do!"
"I thought you are one tough chick. Fight me then..."
"Try me."
He held my shoulders and was about to gave me a smooch, but I raised my hand and gave him a slight slap.
Sonny released me and then he smiled. "You are still scared."
"You can't blame me."
"How long are you with you boyfriend now?" he asked.
And why the hell did he ask?
"5 years, Sonny."
"Quite long. How old are you?"
"22."
"Better keep the guy, I guess. The two of you have been together for a long time. Sayang naman kasi. As for me, I am scared of commitments. It isn't that I don't want to have someone with my life, but I am just scared of commitments." He sighed. "Are the two of you getting married soon, Cath?"
I laughed, "No. Sinabi ko lang noon na engaged kami, pero joke lang yun. Nagyayabang lang ako. I don't know if I will marry him."
He laughed really hard. I stared at him.
"Ok, maybe I should go back to the party. They might be looking for us."
He went out of the room.
Then it dawned to me. Why didn't I let him kiss me? I was thirsty for his lips, but I let it go away?
I went back to the party faking a smile. I faked a laugh. I faked everything. But one thing was sincere, I approached him when he was alone and said "Sorry about what I did."
"It's ok. Just kiss me again."
"Tsk!" and I left him in one corner of the hall.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
