Confession No. 6: The Old and The New

THE OLD:

I broke up with my boyfriend. I got tired of all the nagging and the self-pity effect he has been doing. Besides, I know I have been unfaithful in some point, so I broke up with him to conceal my own wrongdoings. I do not want him to know what I did, and my decision --- I think --- is the best thing I can do now. I do not regret what I did. I feel better now after some tears have been shed.

THE NEW:

Or did I break up with BF because I am expecting too much from Sonny?

Last night, I found myself unable to lull into deep slumber. My heart was beating so fast I felt uneasy. The culprit is the fact that I have been thinking of Sonny for a week now. IN between the kisses and the hugs, I realized that I longed for him...that I am really falling for him, and I am quite unsure if he likes me too. He has been sending me mixed signals that drive me crazy. But last night, I thought I should stop dreaming of us being together. I thought of ten reasons which he might be thinking to stop himself from falling from me, and eventually stop me from all my hallucinations:

1. I am not beautiful.
2. I do not have a Barbie-like physique.
3. I have an awful past, and its effects I bet he cannot bear.
4. I do not have an ordinary family.
5. I have a nasty character.
6. I am not that intelligent.
7. He is pursuing a career that if ever we became lovers, the gossip mongers would surely feast on the issue. It might ruin his career.
8. We live far from each other.
9. He is just too scared to commit. He had his own issues before and thus he barricaded himself with insecurities and fears.
10. I am just his plaything...an object of lewd desire. :'(


I hate that I love him soooo.